do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
it hurts more in the daytime
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
