Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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