He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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