Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
