i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
