i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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