so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
