I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
