i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize