I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
