My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
