hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
