walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
