I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Last time i carry you out of a forest
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize