went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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