But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
