I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Randomize
