was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
