finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
