Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
