Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
