Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
