Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
