they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Randomize
