When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
