i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
