Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
