HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
