so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
