Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize