that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
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