Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
