so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
