I think im going to throw up on grandma
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
