You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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