I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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