hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
