I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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