you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
