it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
