you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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