omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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