The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize
