he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
