if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can I color on your dick again?
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
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