M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
