It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
