You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
