Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
