I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
