You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
you traded sex for a burrito?
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
