On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize