he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
