Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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