and my herpes radar will keep us safe
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
