no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
