Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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