is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
