I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
My nipple is on Facebook.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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