my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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