I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
