yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
