Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I could make wine with my vomit
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
