Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
They are going to name an STD after you.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize