You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
