At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Randomize
