im having a threesome with these popsicles
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
