He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
