I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
