He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
