So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
