i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
